Tonight all of us snuggled on the couch to do our nightly devotional.  The fire cast off a warm glow, and the Christmas tree shimmered in the background.  Landon sat on his Daddy’s lap, and AA snuggled on my shoulder. All was peaceful, and lovely.  It is moments like this that draw me close to our heavenly Father.

Then I turned to our devotional.  We had already learned about the miraculous conception of Isaac, when his parents were 75 and 100 years old.  And I knew that tonight God would require a sacrifice.  God asked Abraham, to sacrifice his only son Isaac.  He asked him to sacrifice the child whose name literally means “laughter”.  What joy Isaac must have brought his weary parents.  What utter contentment they must have felt as they held his tiny body and touched his soft skin with their withered fingers.  How they must have laughed, and laughed again at the sight of Sarah’s growing womb in her 75 year old body.  Truly God is not only the God of miracles, but He is also the God of joy.

I had never shared this story with Aubrey Ann before.  I am not sure why.  Maybe because it is something that strikes a particular cord for me?  Maybe because I was afraid she would only hear the beginning and not the end?  Maybe because I was afraid of what I didn’t understand?  Maybe it is because I am sinful, and feel ashamed at how I may have responded to God’s request.

As I read the story and we got to the part where God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son, his joy, his “laughter”, AA’s eyes got big and round, and she said, “You mean kill him?  God wants Abraham to kill him?”

We read on.  I am always perplexed by the lack of description in the story.  Was Abraham somber?  Was he internally wrestling with his own confusion.  Was his heart aching?  Or did he absolutely trust that God would not take his “laughter” from him?

As the story progressed, Abraham and Isaac prepared the altar, the place that Abraham was asked to kill his only son.  I find it interesting that Isaac carried the wood, the very wood that he would die upon.  The wood that his blood would cover.  Did not Jesus attempt to carry his own cross?  Did he not bear the weight of our need for a sacrifice across his striped and mangled shoulders?  What a beautiful foreshadowing of our own sacrifice preparing the altar,  God the father sacrificing that which brings Him His greatest joy.

Abraham ties Isaac down, these final moments must have been the hardest.  When God?  When will this stop?  Again I am so perplexed by the lack of description.  Isaac, the boy whose name means laughter, tied to the altar he helped prepare.  Was he a willing sacrifice?  Was he as faithful as his father? Abraham raises his knife to kill his promised child.  How his heart must have ached, how his soul must have cried out in agony. I can only imagine the tears streaming down his weathered cheeks, his eyes pointed up towards the heavens “Please God, please.”  Right as he is about to bring down the knife, an Angel stops him, and God provides a lamb.

I turned to Aubrey Ann and I asked her, “Why would God ask this of Abraham?  Why would he ever ask him to sacrifice his son?”  She answered, “because God wanted to know that he WOULD.  God wanted him to love him so much he would be willing to give up his son.” Yes. Yes. Exactly.

God provides a lamb in the thickets.  Isn’t that the exact thing we have all needed?  A lamb of grace to cleanse us from the evil we all committed in the garden? Did God’s heart grieve knowing that one day the sacrificial lamb would be His own “laughter.”

His grace is so lovely, so perfect.  His timing, impeccable.  Right at the very moment when all hope is lost, right when we are ready to give in to the darkness of this world, to extinguish our laughter, God provides a perfect lamb.

I looked over at my two living “laughters” and wondered how I would muster the courage to sacrifice.  The truth is, I don’t know. Thankfully God’s Grace is deep, so deep even a selfish sinner like me can be lost in it.

God, I thank you for your Grace.  I thank you for providing a lamb for the sacrifice.  I thank you that Abraham was allowed his “laughter”, but I am even more thankful that you didn’t keep yours from us.  Thank you for providing the perfect lamb for the sacrifice.  Thank you for Christ.

And thank you for my own wide eye “laughters”.  One of which is wise beyond her years, and recognizes her own need to be willing to not with hold anything from her loving creator.  May she grow in grace, wisdom, and true beauty.

And for my little “laughter”, who provides me with so much joy.  Who sits quietly during the story, but is secretly a million miles away.  I thank you for the grace you showed me in allowing me to carry him in my womb.  I thank you that one day he will come to the same realizations his sister did tonight.  I thank you that I will get to see his eyes light up in wonder as I tell the story.

I thank you for giving me what I could not even begin to earn.  A lamb for the sacrifice.